I'm officially using my livejournal account now.

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Have a good day!

I should learn to shut up.

I should learn to stop being insistent.

Or rather, I should just learn to close my ears.

Not everything is meant to be said. Not everything is meant to be heard.

*sigh*

~ * ~

Things I've learned:
1. Jealousy isn't the way to destroy a friendship.
2. No one's chasing you, so don't rush.
3. Being attached is not an option.
4. Shut up.
5. Don't pry if you're not sure you want to hear what the other person has to say.

I'm not enjoying being me right now. This is one of the times I wish I were someone else.

Saturday

Ace went to the house and picked me up so we could go together to Anna's party at White Cross in San Juan. When we got there, I just kept on walking around and talking to people, mostly blockmates, Bevz (about our surprise) and tita Grace (her mom). Then when the surprise (composed of Angelo and his band) arrived, Bevz and I had to welcome them or something and bring them to the back where Anna wouldn't see them. See, this hasn't been really easy, since Anna kept on looking at the entrance, so we couldn't pass to get to the back. Anyway, we made it naman and the surprise was a success. After making Anna cry before her party (saying that Angelo wasn't going at the last minute), it was worth it, just seeing her smile like she did when she saw Angelo and his bandmates there. All the stress and pagod-ness was worth it. Hehehe!

That day couldn't have gotten any better, but it did. My crush arrived. Hahaha! He promised he would come and so he did, with help from me pa. He kept on asking for directions. He even called me to make sure that the green gate was really White Cross's.  So we talked when he got there pero super labo ng usap namin. Kasi whenever we see each other or get together, we don't really talk much, but when we talk sa chat or text, we really talk. It's really funny... and weird. So anyway, him being there was just great. I haven't seen him in a long time so that was really "heaven" for me. Hahaha!

I'll never forget the part where I gave Anna my gift for her. I made her a video of all her friends telling her all of the things they like about her. When I handed her the tape, I told her that there are a lot of things that people like about her and that there are a lot of people who care about her and like her for who she is. She said she was gonna cry and surprisingly, so was I. Hehehe! Anyway, so yun. I'm really glad she liked it when she watched it.

After the party at White Cross, we (namely, Carmel, Kristy, Kaye, Pao, Migs, Ace, Bevz, Charisse, Tina, Julian, Jon, Andy, Ryan, Angelo, Athan and I) went to Italiannis to have dinner since most of us didn't eat during the party. It was super fun. I hung out with blockmates, Anna's friends from OB, and sina Ryan. Mostly Anna and I were with sina Ryan coz we haven't really hung out together in a long time since Andy and Athan have transferred to different schools. Anyway, the food was amazing. It was so yummy. Even though we were all full, Anna still kept on urging us to eat some more. Hahaha!

We went to Virra Mall (Anna, me, Angelo, Ryan, Athan, Andy with her mom and Jon and Julian and her sisters) after all the other guests have left. We went out looking for Anna's phone. Then we went to Ice Monster where Anna made us libre again. Nyahahaha!

Everything went so well that day even though every one found out who my crush was (even Anna's mom knows now) and even though every one kept on teasing me to him. I still had a great time. We even began texting each other after and chatting until 2:30 am.  Hay...

Life really gives you a lot of twists and turns. It gives you so many surprises, which aren't always good, gives you tears. It's just how life is. Sometimes you feel like it's playing with you and your emotions.

Nyahaha! That's so ma drama. I'm sorry. It's just... yesterday evening, I think I got fed up. I just ended up crying. I just felt like I wasn't pretty enough, that I wasn't good enough or something. It's just this thing with him has really caught up on me. This love has taken its toll on me... Hahaha! But it's something like that. Hay... Liking someone who completely likes someone else isn't something enjoyable in any other lifetime. And almost liking someone who likes your best friend is... well, not pleasant to hear. But I love my best friend. So it's okay. And I don't really like the guy naman. I just almost did.

This is my life.

So madrama.

I need therapy.

Hehehe!

I really should start having more faith in people. I should learn to give people the benefit of the doubt and stop being prejudiced.

But sometimes I really can't help it. I can't help but think, whenever I'd meet a new person, that we would never be close because he/she doesn't seem to like me. I know, I know. Ang sama ko sa sarili ko. That's just really how I feel. Maybe because of past experiences that I still can't let go of.

Anyway, I've recently had two experiences of these, wherein I really didn't think I'd get along or become friends with certain people. But as it turned out we got along and actually became friends. It's funny really how those two new friendships of mine turned out.

The first one, I really didn't think we'd become friends because though we had a lot of classes together, she seemed to appear to not like me. I don't know why. I just got the feeling that she didn't. Then things just started to ease up between us (or maybe I was just imagining the tension) and we began talking with each other more and began laughing about many things. Now we always say hi to each other and we always ask each other about school work and stuff. I hope that we'll become closer friends in the future.

With the other one, it was by complete accident. I mean, I see her lots of times in Zobel before and I also see her in UA&P, but I never actually thought we'd talk or anything like that. But then we became carpoolmates and I just realized that she is one of the nicest people that I've met. She is super nice and so much fun to talk to. The first time I rode with her going home, we just started talking like we've actually talked to each other before. We just talked about school, IMC applications, movies, etc. And earlier, I rode home with her again, and this time our conversation was even better. We talked about books, Harry Potter (it turns out she also loved the third film better than the first two), movies again, showbiz artistas (haha!) and lots of other things.

I was really surprised about how these two people turned out to be people I can actually talk to. They're two proofs that I shouldn't think ahead of things and think that this is what's going to happen. Because, in truth, we never really know what's going to happen, so there's really no point in judging before-hand.

Hehehe! I really enjoyed writing this entry. Maybe because I really learned a lot from the experience.

Oh no! It's raining again. Grar. I really don't like it when it rains. I feel scared for some reason.

Anyway, I was in the library earlier today and as I was browsing through film books, looking for something about Sunset Boulevard, I came across some classics. Like The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, The Scarlet Letter by someone (haha! I forgot eh), and The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James, which I borrowed. I haven't started reading it yet, but I was really interested in it. Hehe! I also borrowed a book related to film. It's a book on the good classic movies and Sunset Boulevard is in it.

Eniwei, that's all. Hehehehehe!